Holding the Man Read online

  JULIET (to TIM). Maybe he’ll come tomorrow.

  MARIE (to MARY-GERT and DICK). Lovely, yes.

  JULIET (to TIM). It’ll be better then.

  DICK (to MARIE). Yes, it was very well done.

  TIM (to JULIET). Yeah.

  MARY-GERT (to MARIE). Yes.

  JULIET (to TIM). I want to do plays for ever.

  MARIE (to MARY-GERT and DICK). Lovely.

  JULIET (to TIM). We could have a dinner.

  MARY-GERT (to MARIE). Yes.

  TIM (to JULIET). Have to be girls there.

  MARIE (to MARY-GERT and DICK). It’s important, I think.

  JULIET (to TIM). I’ll bring a friend.

  MARY-GERT (to MARIE). Oh yes, terribly.

  JULIET (to TIM). Your place –

  MARY-GERT (to MARIE). Good socially too.

  JULIET (to TIM).…Wednesday night –

  MARIE (to MARY-GERT and DICK). Yes, lovely for them.

  JULIET (to TIM).…I’m cooking.

  MARY-GERT (to MARIE). Yes.

  JULIET (to TIM). Invite John.

  DICK (to TIM). Well, we should get going, you’ve got school tomorrow, son.

  TIM (to JULIET). You’re so pushy.

  MARY-GERT (to MARIE). They work them hard.

  JULIET (to TIM). It’ll work out.

  MARIE (to MARY-GERT and DICK). Work them very hard, yes.

  MARY-GERT (to MARIE). Lovely to meet you.

  MARIE (to MARY-GERT and DICK). Yes, you too, yes.

  DICK (to MARIE). See you then.

  MARIE (to MARY-GERT and DICK). Lovely, yes.

  JULIET and MARIE exit.

  MARY-GERT. Well, she was lovely.

  DICK. Juliet’s a pretty girl, Tim.

  MARY-GERT. Very good actress, I thought. All the emotions.

  Five

  Locker room. BISCUIT and JOHN are getting changed. TIM approaches.

  JOHN. Hi.

  TIM. Oh. Hi John.

  JOHN. Sorry I wasn’t there on Friday. How did it go?

  TIM. It went okay. Good, actually.

  BISCUIT. Err, bumchums.

  TIM. Shut up, Biscuit.

  JOHN. I was out on a run and when I got back there was this note from Mum saying that she and Dad had gone to Paul’s play.

  BISCUIT. Yeah, Homeo and Faggiet.

  JOHN. That’s when I remembered. Sorry.

  BISCUIT. I thought you were boyfriends with me, Conigrave.

  TIM. Sorry, Biscuit, my heart belongs to John.

  BISCUIT. That’s cool. We’ll make it a triangle.

  JOHN. I’ll see you at the break.

  TIM. And John, I’m having an end-of-term dinner on Wednesday night with some of the girls from the play. D’you wanna come?

  BISCUIT. Don’t play favourites, Conigrave.

  JOHN (to TIM). Getting home might be a bit difficult.

  TIM (to JOHN). Juliet lives over your way. I’m sure you could get a lift with her.

  JOHN. Sounds good.

  BISCUIT (to TIM). We’ll talk about this in bed, pumpkin.

  (To JOHN as they leave.) I’m good at being a gay, hey.

  JOHN and BISCUIT exit.

  Six

  TIM (aside). John Caleo at my place for dinner and – Fuck. Maybe you’re only coming to meet some girls. Fuck.

  TIM’s place. Time leaps, and whoosh, enter JULIET and JACKIE.

  JULIET. We wanted to get here before lover-boy.

  TIM. Fuck.

  JACKIE. It’s all right, darling, I knew from the moment I met you.

  Fuck, the doorbell!

  TIM (aside). Fuck. Doorbell – a bolt of lightning – your silhouette through the glass – schoolbag over your shoulder – dressed quite formally.

  JOHN. I got lost on the way from the station.

  JOHN hands over a bottle of lime juice and a bottle of soda water.

  TIM (aside). Introductions.

  (To JOHN.) Jackie played Lady Montague. Juliet played Juliet. I played Paris. (Aside.) Silence – the girls stare.

  Glasses of lime and soda have been distributed in an instant.

  JULIET. You and Tim are at school together?

  TIM (aside). Disbelief at an obvious question – silence again – You fumble with your glass.

  JACKIE. What did you think of the play?

  JOHN. I didn’t see it.

  JACKIE. We were fabulous.

  TIM (aside). Silence – fuck – food comes out.

  JULIET (delegating spots). Lady Montague and me there. John next to Tim here. Dig in.

  Whoosh, enter MARY-GERT.

  MARY-GERT. It’s only me. Won’t disturb you. Promised to hide. Oh! That’s an interesting seating arrangement.

  TIM (aside). More introductions – my mum – agonising crap – she wants to say something unimaginably embarrassing –

  MARY-GERT. Such ruddy cheeks still.

  TIM (aside). Try –

  MARY-GERT. Didn’t notice he got a prompt.

  TIM (aside). Might as well say –

  MARY-GERT. I once made the terrible mistake of serving asparagus hors d’oeuvres at a piss party.

  TIM (aside). Mum ushered away.

  MARY-GERT has gone.

  JULIET. We’re a new group of friends, so we should pass a kiss around the table as a kind of bond.

  TIM (aside). Terror fuck – a plan afoot – I’m next to you – you’ll refuse – Jackie and Juliet kiss – linger – wish I was a girl – Juliet up for air, then…

  Silence for the first time in the scene as JULIET and TIM kiss. TIM slams his hand onto JOHN’s leg. JOHN moves his hand onto TIM’s. TIM’s eyes light up. TIM turns as JOHN shuts his eyes and purses his lips. They kiss. TIM breaks free as JOHN opens his eyes. They catch sight of each other. We hear a snapshot of the girls’ applause as time leaps again.

  JULIET. Bravo.

  JACKIE. Sweet. Last but not least.

  Wham, JACKIE throws her arms around JOHN and gives him a smacker on the cheek. Fuck, there’s that alarming fuckin’ doorbell again.

  TIM (aside). Doorbell before long enough.

  Whoosh, enter MARIE.

  Marie, Juliet’s mum, is a taxi home.

  MARIE. Lovely, yes, sophisticated, lovely, all very lovely. Yes. Lovely. Well then.

  MARIE jingles her keys.

  TIM (to JOHN). Glad you could come and um, I’ll see you tomorrow at school tomorrow.

  JOHN. Sure.

  TIM. Cool. Yeah, um (A quick peck on the cheek.) goodbye.

  JOHN. Bye.

  Suddenly, all but TIM and JULIET have gone.

  JULIET. He’s divine.

  TIM. Do you think he’s gay?

  JULIET. It doesn’t matter. He obviously likes you and that’s all that’s important.

  TIM is alone.

  TIM (aside). There goes the boy I’ve kissed. Marie, his life is in your hands. I better not hear you’ve had a head-on with a tram.

  Seven

  Caleo home. Enter BOB CALEO.

  Conigrave home. TIM is making a phone call. Simultaneous. (Handsets are inessential.)

  BOB. Hello?

  TIM. Hello Mr Caleo, may I speak to John, please?

  BOB. Whom may I say’s calling?

  TIM. Tim. Tim from school.

  BOB. John! Phone.

  Enter JOHN.

  (To JOHN.) Mate from school. (To TIM.) ‘Tim’?

  TIM (to BOB). Tim.

  BOB (to JOHN). Tim.

  JOHN (to BOB). Tim? Oh?

  BOB exits.

  (To TIM.) Hi Tim.

  TIM. Oh hi, it’s Tim.

  JOHN. Nice surprise.

  TIM. So – good – um – there’s something I want to tell you.

  JOHN. I’m all ears.

  TIM. So. Like. I… Um. You know… Like. I. Like. You.

  Silence.

  JOHN. That’s good.

  TIM. I… I’m being serious. I like you. I really like you. I’ve liked you for some time.

  JOHN. I like you too.
/>   TIM. Does this mean we’re going out together?

  JOHN. You haven’t asked me yet.

  TIM. John Caleo, will you go round with me?

  JOHN. Yep.

  TIM. Oh.

  Silence.

  Have you ever had a girlfriend?

  JOHN. One.

  TIM. I think I knew I was gay when I was eleven.

  JOHN. I don’t know if I do know if I am.

  TIM. That’s okay. Bi is better. Bowie is bisexual. Do you like Bowie?

  JOHN. Mmmh. I’ve always wanted to be married with kids. I want kids.

  TIM. I’ll have to be their godfather.

  MARY-GERT pokes in her head.

  MARY-GERT. Tim, please, you’ve been on the phone for ages, please.

  TIM. Yep, Mum. (To JOHN.) How do you, how do you reckon your family and stuff would react?

  JOHN. Mmmh, not good.

  TIM. No.

  JOHN. Yep. And whatever happens, however things turn out, we’ll always be friends. Let’s agree to that.

  TIM. Yeah, let’s.

  MARY-GERT leans in.

  MARY-GERT. Please, Timothy. You have been on the phone for two hours. Please. Truly.

  TIM. Okay, okay. (To JOHN.) Did you hear that?

  JOHN. Has it really been two hours?

  TIM. Better go.

  JOHN. I’ll see you tomorrow.

  TIM. Sleep well.

  JOHN. You too.

  TIM. I don’t want to hang up.

  JOHN. Me neither.

  TIM. This is it, I’m hanging up.

  JOHN. You didn’t hang up.

  TIM. Nup. Sweet dreams, my boyfriend.

  JOHN. Goodnight.

  Somewhere secret. They pash.

  TIM. I can’t believe this.

  JOHN. What?

  TIM. This. I’ve liked you for so long and now I’m here with you.

  TIM tries to reach into JOHN’s pants.

  JOHN. Better not.

  TIM. Sorry.

  JOHN. Better get home.

  TIM. Sure.

  JOHN. Better go.

  TIM. Yep.

  But they kiss instead.

  JOHN. Wish I could stay.

  TIM. Yep.

  Eight

  School corridor. BISCUIT reads from a copy of Sursum Corda.

  BISCUIT. Sursum Corda: Xavier College Students’ Magazine. Profiles of New College Prefects. Name: Caleo, John. Best Friend: Tim. Highest accolade: 1976 Best and Fairest. Hobbies: Anything that involves Tim. Favourite Colour: Essendon black and red or anything Tim is wearing.

  BISCUIT exits. JOHN approaches TIM.

  JOHN. Did you read Sursum Corda?

  TIM. I saw. I don’t care. I only wanted prefect so I could turn it down – to make a stand.

  JOHN. My profile. They know.

  TIM. Oh, that? Doesn’t matter.

  JOHN. Walks a thin line, Tim.

  TIM. It’s not malicious, John. In a way it’s kind of accepting. Father Lewis reckons the staffroom gossip’s been about you and me all year.

  JOHN. You’ve spoken to Father Lewis about us?

  TIM. He worked it out. All the jacks did. He reckons whatever we do we’ll do in dignity.

  JOHN. Why hasn’t someone tried to stop us?

  TIM. Lay staff want to but the Jesuits look out for us. Seen it all the time.

  JOHN. Jesus.

  TIM. Lewis says only magical people get talked about. I’m not in Sursum Corda, John. In your profile, but not the chosen twelve.

  JOHN. No. Are you okay?

  TIM. Course I am, yeah. Doesn’t matter. I think it’s revolting to set one group of boys apart, give them power and ask them to dob on their mates. It’s just a form of policing.

  JOHN. Not everything has to be political.

  TIM. And they always choose the guys who excel at sport. I find the whole thing elitist.

  JOHN. And?

  TIM. And congratulations. The coffee scrolls are on me at lunch. I can’t believe I didn’t get prefect, y’ bastard.

  JOHN. Good.

  TIM. Lewis was cool. Been thinking he could come talk to my parents –

  JOHN. About us?

  TIM. Well, if you don’t think –

  JOHN. No way, Tim. Father Lewis.

  TIM. Okay. Geography?

  JOHN. We have a prefects’ meeting.

  TIM. Oh.

  JOHN exits.

  Nine

  A slumber party. DERGE, TIM, ERIC, RHYS and BISCUIT bounce on in sleeping bags.

  BISCUIT. I fucked the English exam. I answered all three fuckin’ questions. Meant to select two. I’ve fucked Comprehension.

  TIM. You knew to choose two.

  RHYS. That was in all the fuckin’ trials.

  BISCUIT. I know. That’s what I’m saying. I fucked it. I fucked it up the arse.

  DERGE. Fuck it.

  BISCUIT. I know. Fuck it. I don’t care. What’s fuckin’ done’s fuckin’ done.

  TIM. Fucking exams. Hate waiting for fucking results.

  BISCUIT. Shut up, Conigrave. All school I’ve hated you fucks saying you’re scared of a fuckin’ result, you’re smart, fuck off.

  ERIC. Fuckin’ hell. School’s fuckin’ gone now.

  TIM. You heard about the talent scout?

  RHYS. What?

  TIM. John’s been selected by the Essendon Under-Nineteens.

  BISCUIT. Fuck.

  ERIC. That’s great.

  DERGE. Fuckin’ deserves it too.

  TIM. That’s why he couldn’t come up here. He’s going to a training camp.

  RHYS. Listen to you. Like his fuckin’ wife. Or mum. Like his fuckin’ mum.

  TIM (as LOIS CALEO). Well, I’m proud’s all.

  BISCUIT. Might mean he might play for Essendon one day.

  TIM. He will.

  DERGE. Your mum and dad’s fuck-ranch is really nice, Eric.

  ERIC. Fuck off.

  RHYS. Thanks for having us up here.

  ERIC. That’s all right. Don’t call it a fuck-ranch, please. I’ve been coming here since I was two. It’s our fuckin’ holiday house.

  RHYS. They would fuck here a lot.

  ERIC. Shut up, please.

  DERGE. Hey, what’s the most bizarre sexual thing you’ve heard of?

  RHYS. Um, farm boys get the poddy calves to suck them off.

  BISCUIT. Well, a Wesley guy cut the mut* out of a porno poster and put mincemeat behind it and shoved it in a bar heater to keep it warm –

  DERGE. That was you, Biscuit.

  BISCUIT. Bull fuck. Piss off.

  TIM. How do you all wank?

  BISCUIT. Ease up.

  ERIC. Backhand.

  DERGE. What?

  TIM. We all do it. I sort of pump the bed like I’m fucking it.

  BISCUIT. That’s kind of what I do. Leave my jocks on and then put a flannel down the front and pump it.

  RHYS. Don’t you share your bedroom with your brothers?

  BISCUIT. I can cum without making a noise.

  TIM. I can cum quietly. I’ve cum at slumber parties with you guys before.

  DERGE. Fuck off.

  TIM. I’ve cum at camps and retreats and shit. I’ve probably cum with you lot in the room a thousand times.

  ERIC. Yeah, me too.

  DERGE. Sometimes.

  ERIC. I rub the head of my cock, that’s my favourite way.

  RHYS. Sometimes I do it nasty-fast like I’m feeding really hungry chooks.

  ERIC. Yeah. I think I might do it now.

  One by one, they start wanking in their sleeping bags. After some time…

  TIM. Um. So this is weird.

  DERGE. Shhh.

  Quiet batting.

  ERIC. We should race to see who can cum first.

  TIM. You’re just saying that ’cos your way’s so efficient.

  ERIC. Yep.

  Quiet batting.

  BISCUIT. I have wanked three times a night since I was fourteen, no matter where I was.

  TIM
. Still two more to go tonight.

  BISCUIT. Just one. I did it before in the toilet.

  ERIC. Better fuckin’ of fuckin’ cleaned it up, filthy fuckin’ mongrel.

  TIM. As if the walls of this place aren’t already dripping with cum.

  ERIC. Shut the fuck up; I’ll snap!

  DERGE. Shhh. I’m concentrating.

  Quiet batting.

  TIM. I thought about cuming so now I’m going to cum.

  ERIC. Oh. Me too.

  ERIC and TIM cum.

  DERGE. S’pose I better too.

  TIM. Looks like the planet’s blowing up when Derge goes.

  DERGE. Don’t watch. Don’t.

  DERGE cums.

  Man, far out.

  And here comes RHYS.

  RHYS. No. Nup. Na. No. Oh. Fuckin’ dirty slut.

  RHYS cums and is suddenly silenced by shame. He shelters from the stares. BISCUIT is still wanking, buried in his sleeping bag.

  DERGE. A good stress release.

  TIM. I wanked so much during study break.

  ERIC. Oh, red raw.

  DERGE. C’mon, Biscuit, you can do it.

  BISCUIT. Shut up.

  ERIC. I hated not seeing anyone during study break. That was the worst thing about exams.

  TIM. My worst thing… I was studying, one night, late, real late and my dad comes in and he puts his arm around me and he cries.

  ERIC. When you’re ready, Biscuit.

  BISCUIT. Shut the fuck up, will you?

  DERGE. What do you mean, Tim?

  TIM. He cried.

  DERGE. Why?

  BISCUIT. Okay, I’m, fuck, I’m, fuck…

  BISCUIT roars.

  TIM. Quietly, hey?

  ERIC. Your brothers must be deaf.

  DERGE. Tim, how come your dad cried?

  TIM. I dunno. He doesn’t accept me.

  BISCUIT (finally resurfacing). What’s to accept?

  TIM. Thanks, Biscuit. Circle-jerk buddies accept each other.

  RHYS. We are dead-set not circle-jerk buddies.

  ERIC. Yeah.

  TIM. John and I are.

  Silence.

  John and I are lovers.

  Silence.

  BISCUIT. Youse two? I knew it. I knew it.

  TIM. Did you?

  BISCUIT. Fuck, I fuckin’ knew that.

  ERIC. I didn’t. Never thought… It’s good but. It’s okay that yez are you-knows.

  TIM. Thanks. That’s why my dad cried.

  RHYS. You told them?

  TIM. I refused to go on a family trip to Sydney so I could spend time with John and they asked why.

  DERGE. What’d they say?

  TIM. Dad said I’d grow out of it because boys do sexual things with each other sometimes –